What men are afraid of in bed: 3 main fears and how to overcome them

In this article, we will tell you what fears men experience in sexual intercourse and how to get rid of them. What to do on the part of a woman to help a man overcome and relax in intimate life.
Today, in a society that fluctuates from patriarchal to feminist and vice versa, men are becoming more vulnerable emotionally and, consequently, sexually. They are also more willing to admit their weaknesses. Here is a list of their fears and expert advice.

1. Premature ejaculation

What men are afraid of in bed: 3 main fears and how to overcome them

Some therapists consider ejaculation premature if it occurs within two minutes of penetration (penetration of the male sexual organ into the vagina): it is called absolutely accelerated. Others define it as premature in cases where one of the partners is frustrated because of the insufficient duration of sexual intercourse for him: relatively accelerated.
According to various surveys, every third man is not able to prolong sexual intercourse at will. With this in mind, premature ejaculation tops the list of male sexual dysfunctions.


1. Irregular sex life. In this case, there is a natural increase in excitability. Often this occurs at a young age, at the onset of puberty. At this time, relationships are difficult to control, and rapid ejaculation can become fixed as a conditioned reflex. And then there is a vicious circle: a man experiences stress, his anxiety accelerates the onset of ejaculation or the disappearance of an erection. Due to uncertainty, he makes more and more intervals between sexual acts or avoids them altogether, so as not to expose himself to the risk of failure.

2. Poor contraception, including interruption of sexual intercourse. A man is concerned with avoiding conception, not with his feelings.

3. Overwork.

What to do?

For men. Relieve anxiety, have a good rest, establish a regular sex life with a kindly partner. Consult with specialists and choose control practices for yourself (for example, slowing down breathing, training the coccygeal-pubic muscle). Take care of contraception, use condoms. Do not consider orgasm the pinnacle and end of the love act. Vary your caresses after intercourse, ask your partner what you can do for her.

For women. Even if you’re upset, don’t make the problem too big. Remember that a man with accelerated ejaculation does not need foreplay so that he does not get overexcited. Therefore, prepare yourself for intimacy, but try to be gentle, because sexually stimulating, violent manifestation of desire shortens sexual intercourse – a task that is not the easiest, but fascinating. Be creative. Tell or show your partner what other actions he can do to prolong your pleasure and help you get a release after he himself has reached orgasm.


What men are afraid of in bed: 3 main fears and how to overcome them

Every man has faced or will face such a failure at least once in his life. Many shift the blame onto their partner so as not to “lose face”. But in this way they do not solve the problem, but only retain their obsessive fear.


This fear is easily explained: a man is brought up from childhood as the owner of a phallus. In his sexual organ, he sees proof of his masculinity and the opportunity to be loved.

If he is unable to maintain a long enough erection (nine times out of ten this is due to psychological reasons), a man feels shame, reflects on failure for a long time, worries about the future, which only increases his fears.

More often, the anxiety about erection arises with a significant partner whom a man wants to impress, satisfy her, and worries if he will succeed. It can also be associated with hypercontrol, since an erection is practically not amenable to conscious control.

What to do?

For men. To exclude physiological causes, undergo a medical examination. The doctor will help you choose drugs for medical support for erection. Tell yourself that a woman wants above all to be desired. If you reassure her that she is not rejected and focus on pleasing her, mutual fears will subside, and trust restored will contribute to the return of an erection.

For women. First of all, do not take erection difficulties personally and do not dramatize (“you don’t like me!”). Reassure your partner, tell him that you will not love him less because of the lack of an erection, show that there are other ways to please you. The act of love is not equal to the sexual act. In addition to the penis, a man has hands, tongue, head and fantasy. Get creative. Experiment.


What men are afraid of in bed: 3 main fears and how to overcome them

Many men are upset by the results of measuring their penis and believe that nature has cheated them. More and more men are turning to doctors about the size of the penis, especially since today there are surgical methods to increase its length and diameter.


Most men complain about undersized at rest, especially when compared to other men. This is the notorious “locker room syndrome”. As children, they were often ridiculed by classmates or their father, and even as adults they still have not recovered from this humiliation.

Moreover, nowadays we tend to focus on quantity and result, thinking more about performance than about the quality of the process.

What to do?

For men. Remember that there is no direct physiological relationship between the size of the penis and the pleasure that the partner receives. Take a course of psychotherapy, which will help you survive and forget grievances. Develop the skills of sexual confidence and mastery.

For women. Never joke, even to yourself, about the size of the penis—not one of your partner, nor of other ones. And for your partner, find other compliments: beautiful, elastic, solid, tasty. Come up with it. Express admiration for his attractiveness and ability to please you. Nothing stimulates a man like delight in the eyes of his woman.

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